MO2H 5: Spurs

This week on Match of Two Halves we are joined by some more fans of the EPL, Faizal and Richard, and some more fans of fans of the EPL – their wives, Hana and Jenny. Our team of the week is Tottenham Hotspur, the team that Faizal has supported since boyhood. Or has he?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/123bm631wl3jwsv/5%20-%20Spurs.mp3?dl=1

Or download it here. (Follow the link, then right-click and save)

If you enjoy our Premier League jokes and speculation, please subscribe on iTunes or like/share us on Facebook. To sing along with us, click on “Continue Reading” for the lyrics.

MO2H artwork
“Harry Kane”

There’s something going on at White Hart Lane
Some kid scoring goals all over the place
Whipping up a media storm, I
I guess he’s done all right, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh
He hits them in, like whoa, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

A new English hope that’s swept us off our feet
Like Wilshere or Carroll or Owen Hargreaves
That’s what Roy Hodgson is afraid of
That he might be overrated, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh
I guess there’s no way to know, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

Kaboul and Vertonghen, Walker, Dier, Rose
They’re like, pass it on to Mason
Chadli’s quick, away he goes
Outplaying defenders, it’s Eriksen again
Everything is fine, if
Playing as the striker is Harry Kane
Six months ago no-one knew his name
Who’s that over there? That’s Harry Kane
This is the weather report from White Hart Lane
Coming up ahead it’s a Harry Kane

If you’ve got Soldado
You’re better off with Harry Kane
Adebayor, no
Just leave him out, pick Harry Kane
Complete some passes, passes
Create some chances, chances
And don’t give up
Go all the way, go all the way

Kaboul and Vertonghen, Walker, Dier, Rose
They’re like, pass it on to Mason
Chadli’s quick, away he goes
Outplaying defenders, it’s Eriksen again
Everything is fine, if
Playing as the striker is Harry Kane
Six months ago no-one knew his name
Who’s that over there? That’s Harry Kane
This is the weather report from White Hart Lane
Coming up ahead it’s a Harry Kane

original song and music by Bridgit Mendler, Emanuel Kiriakou, Evan Bogart and Andrew Goldstein (“Hurricane”)

“Sweeper Keeper”

Sweeper Keeper, teams are gonna find you
Right where you belong
Not putting a foot wrong
You are Tottenham’s number one

Since displacing Friedel you’re top pick
When games are played you start them all
I know that you are tidy, French and quick
At coming out to grab the balls
Whoops I’m sorry that was accidental innuendo
I didn’t mean it in that way
I mean you just engage in good clean fun
And there’s no dirty play

You are the Sweeper Keeper, waiting in the area
Ready to take ’em on
‘Til the game is won
Feeling like a number one

Always looking tidy and austere
Handsome and somewhat guarded
Except in the Astaris Tripolis game last year
When you lost your cool and got red carded
But Spurs had already used up all their substitutions
So Harry Kane went into goal
What a disaster that was
Anyway, it’s done and on the whole

You are the Sweeper Keeper, teams are gonna find you
Right where you belong
Not putting a foot wrong
You are Tottenham’s number one

So you’ll be there, commanding in the box
Saving free kicks, blocking headers, stopping shots
And when defenders know you’re there
Just at the back
Your skills give them the freedom to attack

You are the Sweeper-per Keeper-per
What a stellar career
Keep on keeping on
Once the game’s begun
You are France’s numero un

original song and music by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus (“Super Trouper”)

“Regulators”

Regulators
we regulate any football competition
and corruption too
But you can only get so far with UEFA,
gotta do what we say even if you’re the FA!
REGULATORS!!! Of the WORLD CUP!

Clear back in December, two thousand and ten
Sepp B and the committee were voting again
On the hosts for the 2022 World Cup
just countin all the bribes, addin them up

Hit up the UK, saying “make me a knight?”
“No? I’ll take cash then, that’s all right.”
But they didn’t pay up so we shot them down
All you fools know what makes the World Cup go around

So I listened to my heart – I mean, to the Qataris
some brothas with a credit card who said “Let’s charge this”
I gave them the nod and opened up the doors
some brothas wrote a cheque so I said “I’m yours.”

A World Cup in the desert will be dry and hot
But watch out fans who like to drink a lot
Dontcha know drinkin beer will get you thrown in jail
So will getting hot and heavy with another male

It makes no sense, it’s too much radiation
Can you believe they don’t have a football stadium
They say it’s being built but the slaves on it are dying
Look Sepp Blatter at what you were buying

They got money in their pockets, crooked guys all
And why should they even be in charge of football?
These guys weren’t ever players, they’re just greedy clowns
We should boycott the World Cup just to bring them down

They got unchecked power
They think they sent from above
I can’t believe this happenin to the game we love
If they all got sacked
let me just dream
Get rid of bin Hammam and this corrupted regime

Four were charged and two suspended
Jack Warner’s career was finally ended
he revealed the bribery it’s a tad bit late
No external enquiry’s allowed to regulate

Garcia laid the facts bare, they were covered up again
It’s so obviously corrupted it just seems insane
The bids were for the summer, as was always said
But now apparently it’s gonna be at Christmas instead

Now FIFA moved the goalposts
and that’s a known fact
process hijacked, it’s gone way off track
back up back up cause it’s on
FIFA and the
Executive Committee

Everyone knows they should have agreed
To goal line technology
Sepp Blatter and FIFA
Said “Just let it be.”
It only makes sense when you understand
and say “ooo I realise”
Their rationale isn’t rational
They’ll agree when they’re paid by Hawkeye
They’ve got a minimum price and no other consideration
The  Fédération Internationale de Football Association

I’m learning
into a whole new governance structure
FIFA
say “suck this, I dare ya”
CHEATS
to a whole new degree
the rules is the game and the game is the money

Beautiful
Game
We love
Personal Gain
FIFA
where we live by the rules
and the rules provide our living

If everyone knows
you don’t wanna join in with this
It’s the World Cup Qatar
cheapened with a gangsta twist
if you play by the rules
then you lose out in this game
cause FIFA are crooks
And there’s no one else to regulate

original song and music by Nate Dogg, Warren G (“Regulate”)

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